Search Me, O God

A young gentleman at the gas station counter had trouble with his card for a purchase of sandwich and snacks. I quickly stepped up, “Is he short? I got this.” The transaction was successful. He was thankful and added, “You know you don’t have to do that?” I wanted to, and how my heart yearns to do more giving when God brings it to me—for I am merely a conduit to distribute as He wills.

Pardon me while I delve into something darker and leave the warm and fuzzy behind. It’s time for truth telling—transparency. When I left the gas station something was off. Did I miss it? Was there an underlying error? The conviction of the Holy Spirit became very obvious with a “yucky” feeling.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23-24

What came to mind was that I didn’t get any noteworthy “thanks” and it could have been a trigger. Was this giving in the flesh? Was it a test? I proclaimed that I shall receive no reward for any good thing done—it’s all for the glory of God. I prayed and asked God to uphold me with His right hand.


The Truth that lives on the inside of me reveals God’s Word and character, and uncovers and exposes the purest parts as well as my devilish nature. I am humbled to know that I still need Him. I haven’t arrived. I’m still a work in progress, and sinful.

During my study time late the same evening I found this:

“Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

Life Application Study Bible: God is with us. God has established a relationship with us. God gives us assurance of his strength, help, and victory over sin and death.

Some may think it a nuisance to have your knower always in check, but for me it’s a connection to the Father that keeps me on the right path, and of course humble.
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